So I am finally onto the last step. I had an appointment with my plastic surgeon last Friday to re-evaluate my readiness for nipple reconstruction. The last time I was there, my scars were still too active to be able to proceed with this step. He wanted me to wait a few months to see if things would settle down and “fall” into place. Bahahaha. Literally. I have noticed that I am not symmetrical, but I didn’t know if it was just me being overly critical because I obsess a bit over this, or if I really was a little “off”. The appointment went well. He agreed with me that things were not symmetrical, and said that he could fix that when I go into the OR to have my reconstruction done. He told me that it’s hard to get the placement correct because you never truly know how the implants are going to settle into the pocket he created. I can’t say enough how much I like my plastic surgeon. I really think that’s a large reason why everything has gone so smoothly for me throughout the entire process. He was very pleased with how things were progressing. Apparently I scar well. That sounds like a bad thing, but it’s not. My lat scars have almost completely disappeared, and none of my scars are raised like a keloid. That’s ++ for me! It never fails, during my plastic surgery appointments I make him laugh (inadvertently) with something “random” as he says. So as I have shown in a previous picture, my nipple grafts have hair on them. Eeeeeewwww. Nipple hair. Say that out loud. It makes your nose wrinkle in disgust just saying it. This REALLY bothers me. The skin grafts were taken from my back, and apparently I have a hairy back. It’s not like its dark hair, it’s very light and fine like my arm hair and you can barely see it, but I KNOW it’s there and it needs to go. So, I flat out asked him how to get it to go away. He laughed and said “I love how you had a major operation and the only thing that has really bothered you throughout the process is a little bit of hair on you grafts”. He said the only thing that will really get rid of the hair is laser hair removal. Just the thought of having that part of my body lasered makes my non-existent nipples hurt. The only stipulation is that I have to have it done at least 2-3 weeks before my nipple reconstruction is done. Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you, it’s scheduled for July 17th. I finally get my nipples! Woohooo! Anyways, I researched some places that do laser hair removal treatments, called around, and luckily I have a consult tomorrow and if I decide to go ahead with it they will do it right then. I love it when a plan comes together. 😉 Talk about awkward phone call. “Uh, yes, I am calling because I want the hair removed from my nipples” I wanted to dig a hole and place my head in it. Thankfully, they didn’t even seem to think it was odd. I know they are professionals and do this all the time, but still… So, tomorrow I embark on yet another experience I never in a million years thought I would have…nipple laser hair removal. Bahahahahaha. Thank the Lord that I still don’t have much sensation, because from what everyone says about laser hair removal, it feels like someone is flicking you with a rubber band over and over. Great!!! I will let you all know how it goes!
It has been a while…
Which is a good thing in my book. I am finally falling into a nice rhythm. The nerve pain seems to have eased up a little. The muscle spasms are much less frequent (thank goodness). Every day is getting easier. I’m not gonna lie to you, the first month back to work was EXHAUSTING. I don’t think I have ever been that tired and worn out continually in my life. But, for all of you out there, it does get better. I don’t finish every day blown to smithereens. When I first returned to work, I couldn’t sit down when I got home until I had completed everything I needed to do. If I did, I would be toast. Burnt to a crisp kind of toast. There were days that I made that mistake, only to wake up 2hrs later with my badge, shoes, and winter jacket on with my car keys still in my hand. Now when I get home, I feel like a “normal” person. Sure, I am tired, but it’s just the kind of tired you get from standing and working all day. My scars are feeling better. Regular bras don’t bother my lat scars even close to as much as they did. I’m not having any pain and my ROM is very good. No problems reaching for things for this girl. I have noticed that I have a hard time doing things like tricep dips. I have a feeling that has to do with the new position of my lats. I continue to do my PT. It really isn’t difficult anymore, just an annoyance that I have to do it, but I will continue to do it because no matter how much I hated it, I feel that PT helped me the most. So, if there are any words of advice that I can offer someone having this procedure, having gone through it myself, it is DO THE PHYSICAL THERAPY. I read a lot of other peoples blogs who are still having lots of pain 6 months, a year, 2 yrs out, and I often wonder if they were offered the extensive PT that I was and if they continually did it. I am almost 2.5 months out from my last surgery and I must say, I FEEL GOOD!!!! So ladies that are doing research about possibly having this done, know that there is light at the end of the tunnel and it does get better! And if any of you out there have questions, leave me a message on here, I will happily answer! God is good.
So here is the 6 week post-op recap….
Looks like everything is going very smoothly. The areas around my nipple grafts where I am having some drainage is completely normal. He said these areas are where the stitches under the surface are trying to poke through the surface. I should expect to have that happen until my scars settle down.
I talked to him about the difference between my breasts. He said it could be due to a variety of things, but all in all he thinks things are progressing well and he wants me to wait another 2 months to allow them to fully settle. We will re-evaluate then. So I have to go back in 2 months. My nipple scaring will have settled by then, my implants will be more settled, so we can talk about nipple reconstruction providing everything is to my liking.
He took a look at the scars on my back and thought they were looking a little bit better and didn’t want to do the steroid injections yet, if at all. Another thing we will re-evaluate in 2 months.
As for the muscle spasms, he said he expected them to increase because of the increase in my activity. For now, he wants to me to continue to do PT (yippee) . He thinks it will help with the spasms and take the Valium when I need it, hopefully getting to the point where I don’t need it at all.
Speaking of PT, I was supposed to see Richard per his request today, not sure what for, but at my last appointment he asked me to come early to meet with him. I ended up seeing Dr. Greaney first, then waited for an hour and twenty minutes to see Richard, but when they finally got his attention, he said he didn’t really need to see me, he wanted to see me in 2 months. Lol.
All in all a pretty good appointment.
After my appointment, I met up with Pinder and saw Noah. It was a very interesting interpretation of the biblical story, but entertaining none the less. We had heard the reviews before we went so we knew what we were up for. Apparently a lady that was in the theatre with us didn’t know that it wasn’t a direct representation of the biblical story and she let us know that she wasn’t happy about it while we were in the bathroom after the movie.
So I got this Pin from my friend Julie Hamilton yesterday and I couldn’t stop laughing.
Apparently I like boob humor.
Tomorrow is my 6 week post-op appointment. Can you believe it has been 6 weeks?
In one respect it feels like all of this happened so long ago, but on days like today when I’m sore and tired, it feels like it just happened a week ago. It’s mostly my back that is giving me issues. Lately even when I lean back against a chair my scars bother me. It’s uncomfortable, I wouldn’t say it’s pain, just discomfort. That also causes a problem when I go to wear a “normal” bra. The part that goes around my torso cuts right across my scars and makes them uncomfortable. That area also feels tight. My lats are still connected in the back up near my shoulders, but they wrap under my armpits and are settled at the base of my breasts. I really only tend to feel this when I am having a muscle spasm or if my boobs lock up. Gosh, I sound like a car. Bahhahahahaha. Sometimes they do Tho. If I have a particularly strenuous day at work, or if I have been doing a lot of things with my arms, they stay almost in a constant state of contraction and that is not comfortable. Sure, I have Valium for the muscle spasms, but I can’t take it until I get home, because yes, that whopping 2.5 mg dose still makes me sleepy. I swear, my body doesn’t build up tolerance to things. Tomorrow is the day that I am possibly going to be getting the steroid shots in those scars. Hopefully that helps the situation.
I am interested to see what he has to say about the areas on my breasts that are “leaking” . I have serous fluid that comes out from around my nipple graft somewhere. Hopefully it’s nothing. I am starting to get some sensation to my breasts. I can feel deep sensation. For example, if you were to press on my breast I would be able to feel it at the base of my breast and the sides and I would feel the pressure. But I can’t feel surface things. If I scratch the skin, I can’t feel it yet. It’s a real pain in the tit when you have a phantom nipple itch and can’t scratch it. (There is a sentence you don’t read everyday!). Seriously almost caused me to lose my mind one night. I can’t imagine what it would feel like to lose an arm or a leg.
Hopefully tomorrow goes smoothly and the shots don’t hurt too bad because I have to drive myself to meet Pinder so we can see Noah.
I made it through my first week of work! It went by so fast, I think because I would get up, do my exercises, eat breakfast, shower, go to work, come home do whatever chores I had to do (laundry, etc.), cook dinner, do my exercises, pack my lunch, give my dogs some love then go to bed. I have to stay on my feet and get everything done that I can when I get home before sitting down or else I won’t get back up. I have slept like a rock this week. Thursday was my hardest day. I was so tired. I needed a nap ten minutes after I woke up, and I felt that way all day. But TGIF! I have 2 days of resting ahead of me and that’s what I plan to do.
My rash is starting to clear up. Unfortunately, one of the side effects I get from the prednisone are lovely roses red cheeks. I look like a raggedy ann doll. Everyone kept making comments at work today about how rosy my cheeks were and they were worried I wasn’t feeling well, but I just explained I am on a prednisone burst and they understood. Everyone artwork was very helpful and understanding this week. It’s nice to work with people that look out for you.
I am really looking forward to having two days off to relax and do nothing! Well, not nothing, but at least sit down more!
I haven’t posted in a few days because I have nothing really to tell you about. I have this week off, my doctor is on vacation. It’s hard because I have to see a plastic surgeon, and they are only in the office 2 days a week, Monday and Friday, the other days are operating days. See, the breast surgeon only removed the breast tissue, the reconstructions are only done by plastic surgeons and they manage all of your drains/scars/expansions/medical management. Sure, I could have seen one of the other two doctors in the office, but I am comfortable with Dr. Greaney. That is important to me. So I opted for the double pump. Whew, a double fill next week, should be an interesting week. I have been getting my resources page ready, I just want to make sure it is correct and legit before I post it.
I have been trying to get some things done around the house. It takes me a while and I have to take breaks, but I feel productive. I’m still not able to drive so I am home bound. Erin got me the first three seasons of Dexter to watch while recovering and I’m not gonna lie, I get sucked into them. I really need to take down the Christmas decorations… Cant do anything about the tree, a little over my lifting limit.
I have been having some trouble with muscle spasms. My entire lat is now in the base of my breast, but they still function like they would if they were in their proper position. I think I may have already told you this. When they cramp up, it’s like my boobs turn to rocks. It sucks when it happens in the grocery store when you are with your dad and you have to go stand in the corner and work the knot out under your coat. People must think I’m nuts/ creepy. They gave me Valium for this, but it messes with my head. Hopefully on Monday I can talk about trying something different. It hasn’t been as bad today, not sure why, maybe I didn’t do as much reaching above my head.
Sleeping is a bit difficult as well. Gravity isn’t really your friend. You can lay on your back, there is no flopping of anything, but I think my muscles work so hard to keep the expanders in place that I usually wake up sore. It’s easier to lay at a 45 degree angle, but to prop yourself up like that hurts my lower back. Last night I just said screw it and went down and slept on the recliner. I am a side sleeper and sleeping at 45 degrees on your side isn’t very comfy. The breast side you lay on feels uncomfortable and the opposite breast is fighting gravity. I just roll up a hand towel or wash cloth and place it between my breasts, or hug a body pillow. That’s the best I can do.
And there are the dogs. Vee is doing great! Poor Lola. Her ears are still hurting her. The she has itched them so much that the tips of her ears have scabs on them, but dogs ears are so pliable that when she shakes her head, they crack and bleed. I was walking down the stairs to the basement the other day and there was blood splatter all over the lower wall. It looked like Dexter in my house! Poor baby….Eric is taking them to the vet tomorrow so maybe I will be able to tag along and get out of the house!
I did NOTHING today. Ok, so I woke up laid on the couch, took a 4 hr nap, did my exercises, and then cleaned the blood splatter off the wall that I somehow totally overlooked for the past week after Vee cut her leg. Oh, I put together a 500 piece puzzle and was on Pinterest. This made me chuckle and I wanted to share. I love clever hilariousness.
A lot of people that I have talked to say that they haven’t seen any pictures on my site. When you get to the home page, where you are now, you will see different hyperlinks at the top. One says home, one says about me, one says my story, and the last says Pictures (very graphic, if you have a weak stomach maybe you shouldn’t look). That is where I post all of the surgical pictures. Some people may not want to see my anatomy, I respect and understand that, therefore I put them in their own space. I add to that page frequently, so just keep checking and scrolling down.
Speaking of questions, I always have a multitude of questions for Dr. Greaney when I go see him. I see him once or twice a week. How can one person have so many questions? Who the hell knows, but I sure do. I even surprise myself with the amount of questions I have, but I have always been that way I guess. I like to learn and understand even if most of it seems like commom sense to others. I type them as I think of them on my iPhone notepad and when I walk into his office before he does an exam or an expansion he asks to see “the notepad”. He chuckles at some of my questions, but takes me seriously and answers all of them, no matter how silly they may be. I wish I would have saved all of them but I can remember a few…
1. I have metal ports with a squishy center ( like a Port-A-Cath) in each breast. I asked ” If I have to go through a metal detector, am I going to set of the alarms?” He just kinda looked at me odd and said “In all of my years of working as a plastic surgeon, no one has ever asked me that question, but it’s a valid one. And no, you won’t need a card to carry, if you go through a full body scanner they will see them, but when they pull you into the room all you have to do is pull up your shirt and they won’t ask anymore questions.” I thought that was funny. So I’m either stupid for coming up with that question, taking this waaaaaay to seriously, or am a superior question asker. I like to think the latter.
2. As most of you who follow my blog already know I had a 3 inch section of hair missing from the back of my head after the surgery. For those of you reading for the first time, it was the start of a pressure ulcer, check it out on my pics page. So, one of my questions that day was “Dr. Greaney, did you have to shave my head for neuro-monitoring during the procedure? I have a three inch section of hair missing and I am a little bit curious why.” He laughed at me and said no, I think he thought I was losing my shit, but I pull out my handy dandy iPhone and show him the picture. I took (and take) pictures of EVERYTHING. His face got red, like he was angry, gets his gloves on and looks at my head. He said “Holy Crap, that is the start of a pressure ulcer! This is ridiculous, this should have never happened!” He turned around, picked up the phone and called head of anesthesiology and had a few words with them.
3. I ask the vain questions like “Will there always be hair on my nipples?”, “Why is my right boob smaller than my left?” “How many mL’s are in them now?” “What can I do to help with my scaring?” Yeah, I totally ask the vain questions. LOTS OF THEM.
4. But then I ask questions like “Can I cut my Valium dose down? It’s not making me feel great emotionally and I don’t think I need this big of a dose. Can I strictly use it as a PRN if I have a spasm.” He advised me to cut my dose in half for 2 weeks, then use it as a PRN.
5. L. O. T. S. AND. L. O. T. S. AND. L. O. T. S. of questions.
Dr. Greaney is awesome. Never once has he rushed me, he takes me seriously, and he can joke around and just have a person to person conversation with me. Never ever in my wildest dreams would I ever have thought I could have a normal conversation, feeling comfortable, with a complete stranger (well not now) with no shirt on. Boobies hanging in the wind (well they don’t really hang, but you get my point) Heck, he knows more about my boobs than I do, he made them! I AM SO HAPPY HE IS MY DOCTOR. I can’t say it enough. He is good stuff, a good soul that God blessed with some crazy good surgical skills. Same goes for Dr. Lazar who was the breast surgeon. Top notch.
One of these days that I have a little time, I’ll post a resources page for all of those who are interested to learn more. I should have done that by now, but recovery is hard.
But, I stumbled across this picture today, has nothing to do with boobs or surgery or reconstructions, or cancer, it just made me smile. My nephews, and G would think this is awesome.
I got double pumped yesterday. I had a conversation with my plastic surgeon about my fears of not being able make it back to work when my FMLA runs out on Feb 4th. It seemed far fetched to me that we could get me completely expanded, have an implant exchange, recover, and get back to work by that time. My gut was correct. He said that realistically, he would be able to get me back to work 2 weeks after that feb. 4th date. In order to do this he needs to be more aggressive with my expansions. See, we are behind in the first place because my right lat drain kept dumping out fluid. Normally a drain is in for 3-4 weeks, (All of my other 3 drains were removed in that time frame) but my right lat drain didn’t want to cooperate. It stayed in for 7 weeks. Then, after that was removed I developed a large “boob” on my back (seroma). Who knew I would go in and pay for two boobs, but come home with 3! Hah. having that drained was interesting. Boy oh boy am I glad I couldn’t feel anything because you could see through that needle end to end. Bleh. Eric almost passed out and he was on the opposite side, it made me chuckle. Anyways…that whole ordeal delayed my expansions which is what has delayed my retune to work. So, yesterday instead of getting expanded with 60 mL’s in each side, I got 100 mL’s on each side. I felt like I was squeezed into an inner tube. It felt like if you threw me in the river I would float. But, that surely isn’t the case because right now I am carrying over 400 mL on each side. I would sink. I am walking around with almost a full liter on my chest. I know, i know, that seems like a huge amount, but trust me, I am not going Pam Anderson’s first boob job size. Remember, they took all of my breast tissue, so unlike a normal breast augmentation, I have to make up for that tissue that normally sits on top with fluid. I am only being expanded out to where they fit in my skin where there are no more wrinkles or loose skin. For me, that will probably end up being 600-650. Remember, I was a 36 D before. So from here on out, we are being as aggressive as my body will allow. I have a week break to allow my body to adjust to the extra volume and see how I do, then I will be expanded on Monday and Friday of the next week. Sounds like fun right?
So I was nervous about this while being over my FMLA time because of my job. FMLA protects my job and holds it for me. I was worried that work would be upset with me for going over my time. I am an idiot for thinking that. I luckily have the 2 great managers and a whole team of coworkers who are so supportive. I spoke with my managers today and their only concern was that I was taking care of myself and would recover fully and appropriately. Whew! Weight off my shoulders. God is good.
My implant exchange is on February 6th. I can’t wait! These expanders are super hard. I am almost there. I just can’t wait to get these rocks out and have some nice squishy silicone put in.
i have PT tomorrow. Woooooohooooooo! Yet again I am so excited.
I have lots of time in between the exciting schedule I have that I explained in my last post, and my current topic of interest is clean eating. It seems many people lately have this form of cancer or that form of cancer and it’s happening to people younger and younger. I was watching an article on a girl who is 23 and had breast cancer, had a mastectomy reconstruction, radiation, and chemotherapy. 23 Holy crap! That is seriously young. Apparently she had kept her cell phone in her bra and it was precisely that area where the tumor was. They can’t confirm that the cellphone did or did not cause the tumor, but it really got me thinking about my everyday activities and things that I could do to make myself healthier. This poor girls cancer has spread and now she is fighting another battle, my prayers go out to her and her family. I can’t even begin to imagine. As a lot of you know, I work in the PACU (post anesthesia care unit) and I work with people who are just emerging from the anesthesia after surgery. This year I cannot tell you the number of 30 something women who came in and had to have surgery/chemo/radiation for breast cancer. That is me! I am 30 something. What are we doing as a society that is causing cancer to ravage us? I was listening to Howard Stern (I know, very controversial, but he is an intelligent man with a lot of intelligent things to say if you weed through the rest) and his co-host to his radio show, Robin Quivers just had a year from hell. She had a form of uterine cancer that produced a large tumor. We have listened to Howard Stern for years and have heard of all the “new fad” things that Robin does to try and make herself healthier. She became a vegetarian, but she talks about her clean healthy eating style and says that the doctors told her that the rest of her body was in such good health that it helped her pull through and attributed to her recovery. It really got me thinking about all the crap we dump into our bodies. Margarine? One molecule away from plastic? That can’t be good. Using plastic bottles and containers that aren’t BPA free. That can’t be good. Meat and dairy that have been fed hormones and genetically modified diets? Do you know how much pus is in you dairy because of the vigorous milking procedures? Gross. Aspartame? I have read NOTHING good about it. NOTHING. We are what we eat, and holy crap, I need an overhaul on my dietary habits. So this is a goal for me this year. I will not become a vegetarian, I like to eat meat now and then, but I will be trying to eat clean. I am gonna try and remove processed, enriched, chemically altered foods from my diet. It’s gonna take a while to get there, and will need to be a thought in my mind all the time. Hopefully this time next year I will be able to say I am a clean eater. I have been reading a lot from a fellow word press writer, her site is cleaneatingintexas.worpress.com She is very knowledgable and if you wanna check it out its a good place to start. That ends my rant for the day.
My Dad is on his way here to be here with me this week to take me to my Dr.’s appointments. I got a call from him a little bit ago that said he had to pull over because his windshield wipers froze. We are getting freezing rain here now so pray that he makes it safely. I LOVE it that my parents come to help me out. It is AWESOME. They are AWESOME. I am truly blessed.
I am currently reading a book (yes,you read that right, it’s not on my kindle) that my grandmother gave me for Christmas. It’s called Grace Happens Here by Max Lucado. Very nice, easy read, but there was a little blurb I read today that made me remember that this recovery process is gradual and it’s not gonna happen all at once like I sometimes seem to want it to. This is the blurb:
You are a trophy of God’s kindness, a partaker of his mission. Not perfect by any means but closer to perfection than you’ve ever been. Steadily stronger, gradually better. This happens when grace happens.
I know this is talking about ones spiritual strength but I took it literally and applied it to my current situation. Hopefully both spiritually and physically I will be steadily stronger and gradually better. Thank you for the book Grandma! I love you!
p.s. the boobs are doing great!
I was worried about today and staying home by myself for the first time (I am very capable) but Eric rearranged his schedule so he could work from home. Thank goodness he did. Thank you so much Eric. Vee cut her leg and we couldn’t get it to stop bleeding, I eventually had to wrap a hand towel around her leg and wrap it tight with tape) and apparently Lola has a raging ear infection. We spend a large chunk of our day at the vet. Vee has to wear this stupid collar and take an antibiotic and Lola has to have a medication put in her ear 2x a day And she is quite the diva. You put that stuff in her ear and she runs a circle around the downstairs of the house, stops in front of you, snorts, then flops herself down on the couch and rolls around grunting for a few minutes. This happens about 3 times and then she’s ok. It’s super funny, hopefully I can catch it on video. Poor baby Vee. This collar she has to wear is ridiculous.
I’m glad they didn’t have to put a collar like that on me after my surgery.
I am feeling more settled now today, my anxieties are relieving. God is good. I am able to do a lot more, and I am feeling pretty good. Sure, there are those days when I am sore, but this is to be expected. I am still taking Valium for my muscle spasms but I cut my dose in half (2.5 2 times daily) because I think the side effects are causing me some emotional issues. I don’t struggle with anxiety and depression on a normal basis so those chemicals and pathways in my brain aren’t mixed up. Yes, Valium is used for muscle spasms, but it is mainly used for anxiety and depression. I think it was having the opposite effect on me. I spoke with Dr. Greaney about my need for this medicine and he told me to continue for a few dats after my seroma drainage but if I felt ok to take half for a few days and then none. Unless I was having spasms. I am doing great so far with half the dose. It’s those little things that make you see how you are improving.
I did discover a new talent today. Apparently even though my lat muscles are no longer located in the normal place (they make up the base of my breast) they still function in the same way that they normally would. For example, when I twist off the cap to a water bottle, my boobs flex. It’s the weirdest sensation, but it’s hilarious at the same time. I feel like Arnold Schwarzenegger very time I open a bottle. Lol. I can beat any man in a pec flexing competition any day of the week. Hah.
Thank you to all of you who prayed for me for being overwhelmed, and thank you to all of you who pray for me just because you do. If means more to me than any gift or treat anyone could give me. Thank you all.
Happy New Year everyone! I am excited that 2013 is over, it was a very tough year for me in many ways. Leave the past behind…onward. So yesterday was Eric and I’s 4th anniversary! Yay us. We had an exciting day of PT in Philly, a trip to the grocery store (sorry, no Bed Bath and Beyond, we didn’t have the time hah), then I came home and took a nice 4.5 hr nap. It was awesome! I had to get up because my sister Amy, her boyfriend Mychal, and my brother Patrick came to celebrate the New Year with us. I have seen Pat more in the past 2 months than I have in the past 2 years! I am not very exciting the day of PT or the day after but it was nice of them to come and entertain Eric and I for the holiday! Eric and I rang in the New Year talking about how we didn’t think we would be celebrating the New Year attending Dr.’s appointments. We we’re hoping to wait to have to to that until we are old and grey, but hey, it is what it is. We have decided we will celebrate our anniversary when I’m feeling better. So to everyone out there who is reading this, Happy New Year and I hope that this year allows your wildest dreams to come true. Thank you God for getting me through 2013.
I am on the way to the plastic surgeon (my dad is driving) and for the first time I am nervous. I really want this drain out, the numbers look good (>30cc over 24 hrs) but it’s still cloudy. I want this drain out so bad but I’m trying not to get my hopes up. I’m sure there will be another expansion today, but that’s no biggie, tomorrow is when I will feel that, but one Percocet helps with that feeling. Doesn’t take it away but makes it tolerable. Keep your fingers crossed. I’m feeling like I could poop my pants/vomit I am that anxious. Not rational I know, but whew lets get this over with. If it doesn’t come out, no big deal, I have had it this long what’s another week? In the grand scheme of things it’s nothing. Send some prayers/ keep your fingers crossed for me!
Before I get started on my journey, I wanna take a minute to talk about Jim. Jim is one of my dearest, closest friends and one of the 287 crew. He lost his mother this past week to a long hard journey through brain cancer. Today is her funeral and I am so sorry I can’t be there buddy. He has spent the last year of his life caring for and spending time with his mother. I am so proud of you Jim, you have a heart of gold. Your mother was truly a diamond in the rough. So if everyone could stop for a second and send a prayer up for some strength for him to get through this day I would appreciate it. Send the good vibes his way. Love you Jim.
It’s 4:36 am and we are driving to the hospital. Today is the day, I have to be there at 6 am. Thankfully I am the first case! I’m waiting for the nerves to finally kick in. Maybe they will when I get to the hospital? God has my back (and my front). I feel good, I am ready to go.
You know what is making me nervous? My husbands driving. Poor E, I think he’s way more nervous than I am.
I wonder if I will be the person who wakes up from anesthesia and cries, or punches, or acts drunk, or says something stupid, or the one who tells you my deepest darkest secret. I bet I’m the one who wakes up and does something really embarrassing…oh goodness, I hope they don’t tell me if I do.
I’m ready for this part to be over. I can’t believe its finally here. How am I going to feel emotionally? I have no idea, hopefully I will feel relieved. Don’t worry, I am sure I will let you all know.
I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. Philippians 4:13