Monthly Archives: February 2014

Ahhhhhh…time to relax

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I made it through my first week of work!  It went by so fast, I think because I would get up, do my exercises, eat breakfast, shower, go to work, come home do whatever chores I had to do (laundry, etc.), cook dinner, do my exercises, pack my lunch, give my dogs some love then go to bed.  I have to stay on my feet and get everything done that I can when I get home before sitting down or else I won’t get back up.  I have slept like a rock this week.  Thursday was my hardest day.  I was so tired.  I needed a nap ten minutes after I woke up, and I felt that way all day. But TGIF!   I have 2 days of resting ahead of me and that’s what I plan to do.

My rash is starting to clear up.  Unfortunately, one of the side effects I get from the prednisone are lovely roses red cheeks.  I look like a raggedy ann doll.  Everyone kept making comments at work today about how rosy my cheeks were and they were worried I wasn’t feeling well, but I just explained I am on a prednisone burst and they understood.  Everyone artwork was very helpful and understanding this week.  It’s nice to work with people that look out for you.

I am really looking forward to having two days off to relax and do nothing! Well, not nothing, but at least sit down more!

Wednesday

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Anyone that knows me well enough knows that Wednesday is my least favorite day of the week.  Why?  Well, you are stuck in the middle.  You have two days behind you, but you still have two days in front of you. Well, this Wednesday was a tough one.  I started off the day by having a dr.’s appointment at 0750.  Remember that rash I was telling you all about? Well, after trying cortisone cream during the day and an antihistamine at night, heck I even tried Pepcid, I had no success in getting rid of my rash.  In fact, it got angrier.  I walk into the office and the nurse takes me to a room and asks what is wrong and I explain and show her my stomach.  She asks me to undress from the waist up and put on a gown.  I do. The doctor comes in and asks to see and she says “wow! That looks like it itches!” Uh…yeah.  The scratch marks must have given me away. Lol.  It was worse on my breasts which is why I was so concerned.  She put me on a prednisone burst and diflucan daily just incase there is a fungus among us.  I highly doubt that though, because you can actually see the streaking where my fingers put the lotion.  I highly doubt it’s fungal but better safe than sorry.  She told me that I needed to call my plastic surgeon to update him on the situation just incase her treatment doesn’t help then I will need to follow up with him.  Ok fine.

Then I headed to work.  And it was a typical Wednesday at work.  CRAZY.  Super busy, the kind where you are running full throttle just to get the basics done. I did get a minute to call and talk to Dr. Greaney’s nurse.  She said she would update my file and let him know.  She hadn’t realized that I had gone back to work and asked how my pain was.  I told her the truth….that my back hurt, my side boobs are achy, and I am starting to get nerve pain which feels like quick little jolts of electricity when nerves are growing back on the sides of my breasts and under my armpits.  She said she would call something in and usually people need some thing for pain at night for a little bit when you work a job like I do.  Lisa is awesome. She is always one step ahead and you never feel like you are being judged.

So work got very busy after lunches passed and I ended up working a little later than I was supposed to because evenings needed the help.  I never mind doing that because we are a team and if I was the evening shift person I would be happy to have that little extra help to provide safer and more efficient care.

So, how was my Wednesday? Exhausting, my back hurts as well as my brain.  But you know what? After one dose of my prednisone and diflucan, my rash is already better and today made me feel like a productive person again.  It’s nice to feel useful.  It’s also really nice to be able to comfort those patients that come through the unit that have had the same procedure that I did.  It’s nice to feel like you are really helping someone and you are making a difference in someone’s life.  That is one thing I have learned about myself.  I need to have a job that makes me feel satisfied and fulfilled.  Yeah, we all need money, I get that, but I need to feel like I am making a difference.  Hopefully one day I will be able to do some medical mission work.  I just need to figure out how to get involved.

Hope everyone has a happy Thursday.  Thanks God for taking care of me.

I made it

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Whew! What a day. It was wonderful to see everyone at work and they all were genuinely excited to see me.always makes you feel good when someone is excited to see you. I fell right back into the routine. Just forgot a few stupid things, but all in all it was a great first day back. I wasn’t sure it was going to be all that great when I woke up tho. Apparently I cannot use Aquaphor anymore. I put it on my cheat and torso before bed last night per MD request, and I woke up with A red angry rash all over the places I put the Aquaphor. That stuff is for babies right? What the heck? I took an Allegra hoping that would help and it did somewhat. The rash isn’t as raised now but still is and it’s very itchy, but not looking as angry. Just took a Benadryl, hopefully that helps.

My back is unbelievably sore. I expected this. It’s like when you start going to the gym andyou have teeny weeny muscles and you hurt after every workout until your body is conditioned enough to both yet any more and be used to the load you place on it. Alternating Tylenol and Ibuprofen. Not cutting it completely, but I am so tired it doesn’t really matter. I am sure I will really be feeling it tomorrow, but I just gotta push through it to the other side.

Fortunately I have awesome co-workers that were there to support me and make my day easier in any way they could. Thank you so much everyone!

Had an interesting interaction with a few patients that really got me thinking about things. I love it when someone stimulated my mind.

Enough mind stimulation for now, I’m off to bed, gotta work in the am. Thank you God for getting me through the day.

Hi ho, hi ho, it’s off to work I go…

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I go back to work tomorrow.  It’s hard to believe.  So much has happened in so little time that its hard to really comprehend everything.  I am feeling a bit overwhelmed at the moment, but tomorrow will come, and tomorrow will go and it will all be copacetic.  I just ask that you pray for me to get through the day.  One day at a time, one foot in front of the other.  My scrubs are laid out, my lunch is packed, all my certificates of training modules I had to do while out are in my bag along with lots of Tylenol and ibuprofen.  Oh to be normal again.  Well, I’m not normal, but to be doing normal things again. Lol. Wish me luck!

Cleared

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I had my appointment today with Dr. Greaney.   I set out pretty early because the last few times I have traveled to Philly the traffic has been horrible.  Not today.  Sweet, point #1 for thetracinator.  Yes, I just referred myself as thetracinator.  It’s just that kind of day.  I was 45 minutes early.  I walked into the office and thought maybe they had closed it because there was not one other patient in the waiting room.  GREAT!!!!! This day is starting off well!  Tack up #2 for me.  The receptionist yelled “Hey Trace, I’ll let him know you are here!” When I walked in.  I love that they take the time to learn my name.  I sat down for maybe 2.5 seconds and Lisa, my favorite nurse calls me back.  Point #3 for this day.  She talked to me for a while, it has been nice getting to know these people over the past few months.  It really makes me feel that they care.  I get changed and put on my crop top paper gown open in the front, but this time it’s blue.  MUCH better than that ugly mauve color they had before.  As if this matters,  apparently it did to me.  Score point #4 for me.  Dr. Greaney walks in and asks how I have been doing, and I tell him about how my back scars have been bothering me, he takes a look and agrees with the physical therapists opinion.  He explained that right now  (month 3-5 after surgery) is when your scars have the most inflammation and can really be uncomfortable.  He thinks that I may benefit from some steroid injections into the scars, but it’s too early in the healing process for that.  I have a follow up appointment in 6 weeks (my sister Annie’s birthday) and he will do them then if they are still bothering me so much.  He took a look at my breasts and was pleased.  I am now allowed to put lotion on them which was good, cues those suckers were dry.  He went over the implant massaging that I have to do daily.  Then I whipped out my handy dandy iPhone and went down my questions. (Q is me, A is Dr. Greaney)

Q:  You expanded me further in my right side, I would have thought that you would have used a different size implant.  Why didn’t you?

A:  On your left side I only cut into your nipple on the bottom half.  It was very difficult to get the expander out and put the implant in.  That’s why you see more redness on your left side.  This side had more time to settle, and didn’t need any pocket work.  Because we took off your right nipple graft and moved it, I was able to get in their and do more pocket work on that side.  I was able to form almost a perfect pocket where I could give you the same size implants and you will have symmetry on both sides once they settle which can take months.  That’s why the implant massage is so important.  We don’t want the pockets scar tissue to freeze the implant in one place.

Q:  When will they stop aching when I wake up?

A:  Sleeping keeps your body in a position for a while, and they are sore because when you get up and move around so does the implant.  This can take months to go away.  Remember, you are only 2 weeks post-op.  (I forget this all the time)

Q:  How long do I have to wear a bra?

A:  I would like you to wear a compression bra 24/7 for at least another 2 weeks.  It’s going to be more comfortable for you at work if you wear your compression bra.

Q:  When can I begin high impact exercising?

A:  3 weeks after your last surgery, so next Thursday.  You can go running and things like that, wear a very supportive bra.  I don’t suggest lifting heavy weights.  (I guess I wasn’t supposed to shovel the driveway.  Oops!)

Q:  When can I wear a normal bra?

A:  For you, I think it’s going to be a question of when your back scars will feel well enough to wear a normal bra.  You can wear one in 2 weeks if you want and it’s comfortable, but I think you will find that a regular bra is going to cut across your scars. (Looks like I’ll be letting them wild and free more often because I can, score point #5)

Q:  How about nipple reconstruction.  I will be having this done and I know you said at least 3 months, do I have to wait longer for settling? Will this be a problem when I have my implants exchanged out later in life (they don’t last forever)

A:  We can go ahead with nipple reconstruction in 3 or so months, we can talk more about the specifics of that at your next appointment, but no, you don’t have to wait.  It will not be a problem when we go to exchange out your implants in 10 or so years.  (Point #6)

Q:  I can flex my pecs like a dude.  Also, you can really see my breasts clench when I do something like open a bottle.  Will it always be like this?  (I showed him my technique and he thought it was hilarious.  I need to find some sort of competition)

A:  No.  A muscle must have 2 attachment points to function.  When surgeons do this surgery, they can split the nerve in your lat or keep it in one piece.  I keep it in one piece because if you split the nerve you can tend to see the implant more and see more rippling.  Over time this all dies down, and because your muscle does not have two connection points (only one in my shoulders), the muscle will atrophy and you will no longer experience this sensation.

I expressed to him my concerns about the possibility of my back hurting the first few weeks of work and he told me that will be likely until those muscles are built up. Take tylenol.  I was too chicken shit to ask him for pain medicine.  Being a nurse, this hinders me.  I don’t wanna seem like a drug seeker.  So I didn’t ask.  If it gets too bad I guess I can call and see if they can give me something.  Who knows,  maybe I won’t need it.  He signed my form for me to go back to work And that was that.

It was crazy to walk to the receptionist and tell her that I didn’t need an appointment for 6 weeks.  Good feeling, but strange.  I have come to know these people and they, whether they knew it or not, had become a big part of my support system throughout this interesting journey.  (score#7) May God bless them for all of the kindness they have shown.  Thank you Dr. Greaney, Lisa, Amy, Lydia, Richard, Anna, and Josephine.

I do know one thing, if I can show my patient’s one ounce of kindness they have showed me during this process I’m doing something right.  Maybe a plastic surgeon will want me to work with them to help with their breast surgeries from a recovery and emotional level.  A girl can hope!

thetracinator 7, everyone else 0

Get ready PACU people, you better prepare because as of Monday, giggles is back.

Last PT for a month!

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I traveled to Philly today for what I was hoping was going to be my last physical therapy session.  Nope. Wrong.  I have to go back in a month.  I will take that.  They were very pleased with my progression.  I have full range of motion back!  My left is still tighter than my right side, but it has always been that way.  If I were guessing I would say that’s because I am right handed and use that arm more.  Who knows.

The physical therapist was looking at my back and I was telling him that my back scars bother me sometimes and sometimes they hurt.  I can’t wear racer back bra’s because they sit funny on my scars.  He felt around and said that’s because apparently my lat scars had adhered so they needed to be massaged out.  In other words, the fibers were set together like this:  image

 

When the ideal situation and most comfortable position of the scar fibers would be like this: image

 

So what did that mean for me???  That meant that I had to have a very painful massage of opposite directional friction with pressure.  It hurt.  It still hurts, and that was done around noon.  anything touching my back around those scars hurts.  I was shown how to perform this massage, and no it’s impossible to do it on yourself, so I have to teach Eric how to do this.  They suggest that I do this every day with a vitamin E lotion.   Oh boy!

i also got my bands back.  No more isometric exercises for me.  I am to go back to all of the old exercises starting with my red band and progressively moving up to green then blue.  I have no problem doing these exercises on my own so I have no doubt they will be pleased when I return.  I have to do them 2 times a day, so I will have to work them in before work and after.  I am going to be exhausted my first few weeks back at work.  Geesh…feeling slightly overwhelmed.  Might as well dive right in.  Monday is approaching quickly…. I see Dr. Greaney Friday so we shall see what he has to say.  I am gonna go just sit for a while. Wish me luck Friday.

Almost there…

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Well ladies and gentleman….the time has come!  This is my last week as a lonely shut in.  I have PT on Wednesday and see Dr. Greaney on Friday to hopefully get cleared so I can get  to go back to work the following Monday.  I am still sleeping upright on the chase in the living room.  They recommended that I sleep this way for at least 2 weeks, (Thursday will be 2 weeks post surgery) but I am still pretty sore when I get up in the morning.  Anyone have any thoughts on this?  Is this normal?  When does this go away?

I am actually nervous to go back to work.  Not because I forgot how to do my job, but my unit is very fast paced and we don’t have many chairs to sit, so I am afraid my back is going to be pretty sore.  Goodness I sound like an old maid. Hah.  I wonder if I am more prone to fatigue in my back because my lats are now in my boobs.  Looks like Tylenol is gonna be my best friend for a while.  I am sure I am going to be exhausted for the first few weeks.  But I will get there.

Hah, I just had a funny thought…I wonder if I could actually make my boobs bigger if I did a lot of exercises that isolate my lats.  If they ever start to sag, maybe this will be a way for me to have a non-medical lift!!!!  I showed my physical therapist my pec moving trick and he laughed pretty hard.  It’s way funnier when DD boobs are involved instead of some meatheads pecs.

Nothing has really changed boob wise, but I will continue to post a pic every week so you guys can see the progression and healing process if you choose to do so.

I can’t believe that this is almost over!  God is so good!

Full Circle

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This day, February 14 last year was the day I had my mortifying appointment with the Dr., resident, my husband, and my foul hoagie body odor.  Yes, I knew of my BRCA1 mutation, but that appointment is what got me to where I am today.  Last year was a lesson in many thing, patience being at the top of the list.  But it has all paid off.  Although I struggle with other aspects of my life, as we all do, this is one thing that I no longer have to worry about.  I faced this head on and smashed it into the ground.  I punched it in the throat.  See this little nugget?  Today is her 6th birthday. I must say that I love my dogs more than almost anything and they bring me so much joy.  They were there to love, snuggle, comfort, and make me laugh during this entire thing.  Happy birthday Vee!

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It’s amazing what can happen in a year.  I will be forever changed for the better and am thankful that God has been watching over me.  My journey is far from over, but I can’t wait to see what this year brings.  I have learned so much this year about myself and about other people.  I was surprised at the people in my life that rallied behind me and supported me, and was surprised by some who I thought would step up but didn’t.  Everyone deals with life’s tribulations differently. I get that.  Thank you everyone for all of the help/prayers/love/support.  But thank you most of all to God and my family who were there to pick me up when I was down.

 

Physical therapy way better with silicone

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I had PT yesterday.  Thank goodness it was yesterday and not today.  We are getting POUNDED by snow and sleet.  I am also glad that my surgery was last week this time, not today. We never would have made it.  My dad came to take me because I wasn’t sure how I would feel afterwards.  PT feels so much better with nice squishy silicone than it did with hard expanders.  My appointment lasted 2.5 hrs.  I didn’t think I would ever get out of there.  Sure I was sore after, but nothing like when those expanders were in.  Instead of pain, it’s a soreness.  I will take sore over pain any day.  I got some isometric exercises that I have to do along with some stretching.  No problem.  I have one more PT appointment next Wednesday, and see Dr. Greaney next Friday then I should be cleared to go back to work on Monday the 24th.  I am looking forward to it.  I have been feeling pretty lonely lately and am excited to be around people again.  I feel as if my life is just standing still.  I’m ready for it to move.

I saw the nurse at my appointment as well, and she was able to tell me that it looked like I got 550cc moderate profile plus implants on both sides.  That surprised me a little because I had figured that my right implant would have been bigger than my left because of the need for added expansion.  They were originally thinking of using 700’s.  I can’t imagine how big that would be, because they are almost exactly the size I was before but much higher.  It can take up to six months for the implants to settle into the pocket so my breasts will change a little over the next couple of weeks.  She thought they looked great and that in a few weeks they will look even better.

The next step will be nipple reconstruction.  Dr. Greaney said he doesn’t like to do that until at least 3 months after the exchange surgery.  I’m ok with that.  No hurry here.

For anyone out there who is having tissue expanders/in the process of having therm or is considering going this route,  trust me when I say you are so much more comfortable when you get your final implants.  It’s like night and day.  Hang in there.  There is light at the end of the tunnel.

It takes time.

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I don’t know if anyone has taken the time to look at the pictures that I have posted, but my sister Annie sent me a text that sums up how I am feeling right now.   She said ” They are probably like a new haircut.  You will like them more and more with time.”  And she’s right.  I by no means think that they look bad, I am just getting used to them and need to wait for them to settle.

I have physical therapy tomorrow so my Dad came down to take me.  I could probably drive myself there but I really have no idea how I am going to feel after.  Better safe than sorry.  Luckily my appointment is early in the morning so hopefully my Dad will be able to make it back home before we get pummeled by this snow we are to get.   I am so fortunate that I have a family that is able to help me so much.

Time.  Waiting.  Patience.  Things I don’t do well with, but I am trying.

Today was a tough day.  I feel like I got hit by a truck.  I must not have slept very well last night because I feel like I have been on the verge of a nap all day and feel as if I could sleep for 7 years. Lol. I fact I feel like I could go to sleep right now and be fine with that.  Maybe I will.

Tissue expander/ implant exchange surgery. Toughest post yet

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So I unwrapped myself this morning around 1030, but I was all by myself so I called my sister Amy because I was nervous.  We face timed and she was with me while I took everything off.  Nerve-wracking?  Understatement.  They look good? Maybe? I think?  I’m not real sure how I feel about them yet.  I know it can take a few months for the implants to settle.  I am trying not to be too hard on myself, and keep in mind that they will look different in a few weeks. But I did it, I forced myself to unwrap them.  They look better than I thought they would, but I still just don’t know how I feel yet.  I felt like I was on the urge of a panic attack all day.  I got responses from “they look great! To they look ok.”  Thanks to Erin (one person who told me she thought they looked good) my sister-in-law who talked me through it. I started feeling very insecure and worried that I look deformed.  She listened to all of my worries and helped me so much.  Thank you Erin.  So, I will post pics of the results when I unwrapped today.  This is a very hard thing for me to show you because I don’t know how I feel about them.  But I told you when I started this that I would be as real as I can so I will post pics on my pictures page.

Nervous

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Today is the day I am allowed to unwrap myself.  It’s also the first day throughout this process that I have been this nervous.  I was nervous one other time, when I was going to possibly get my drain out, but that doesn’t even hold a candle to how I am feeling right now.  I’m sitting here on the couch by myself contemplating if I should unwrap now or wait until Eric gets home.  I am literally sweating.  This entire experience ends (mostly) with this.  What if they look bad.  I know it takes a few weeks for them to settle, but I really want them to look nice. Who knows, maybe they will be fabulous.  I know it seems silly to be this nervous…but I just can’t seem to help myself.  I have physical therapy  on Wednesday, my dad is coming down to take me.  My next post op appointment isn’t until feb 21st.   Why do I have to be such a wimp.  I know I should just unwrap them and get it over with but I just don’t know if I want to do it while I am alone.  Pathetic, I know.

Waiting

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I am wrapped up in this ace bandage and can’t look at my new breasts until Monday. I am actually a bit worried. They seem much smaller to me, but maybe that is just because they aren’t hard like the expanders were. He also was going to move my right nipple up and make it smaller. I am just anxious to see what they look like. I hope they don’t look bad. I know that’s not the whole point of this, but I would still like them to look nice. It’s just hard to tell because they are wrapped. I am still having armpit pain, but it is much better than yesterday. Anyone out there have a procedure like this and have the same worries? I guess I won’t be able to tell until Monday.

Tissue expander exchange surgery

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That is all over! Whew. Easy easy easy surgery compared to the last time. As soon as I got there they took me back, got me ready and put me in a gown. Like my pretty purple gown? It’s a bair hugger gown. where I work, we don’t have handy dandy robes like this we just have the bair hugger blanket that you lay on top of a person. This robe had the blanket built in. They just hook a tube into an opening in the gown and it pumps hot air into it making you look like a sumo wrestler, but oh my goodness was it wonderful.

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See, sumo wrestler/Michelin man. Soon after this picture was taken they wheeled me into the holding room. Here I was pretty popular. Apparently they all though I was humorous because we were all laughing.  Apparently they don’t get too many people that get rolled into the operating rooms that are happy.  Well, I was.  I was down right pumped up.  I had about 6 people asking me questions about my decision to have a prophylactic bilateral mastectomy, while asking me about my health history. Got a scopolamine patch to help with Post-op nausea and vomiting, I tend to get sick after anesthesia. Word of advice, if you are having surgery and have gotten sick after be sure to tell them beforehand so they can help prevent you from hurling after. The staff was awesome. Dr. Greaney came in to mark me, we made some adjustments on the right side and he wanted to be sure to mark them. Got 2 of versed as I was being wheeled into the OR, I think I giggled the entire time. They all were teasing me about my funny accent. Apparently I talk funny.  News to me.  I remember the mask and them telling me to take nice deep breaths. Then…BOOM, done! Only took 2 hrs. Definitely better than 12 hrs.

I could tell a difference right away. No more rocks on my chest. Nice squishy boobies!  That was a relief. For some reason after both of my surgeries, my arms ached real bad. This time it was only my right arm. If it was positioning I would figure both arms would have been sore.  Maybe it was the residual effects from the propofol? Who knows.  I was expecting my chest to hurt, not my arm.  Leave it to me to be abnormal.   I woke up pretty quickly this time and only spent about 45 mins in PACU. They weren’t joking when they said this surgery would be easier. I didn’t need any IV pain medicine. My chest didn’t hurt because I still don’t have much feeling there, but I just felt lighter literally.

They wheeled me into the ambulatory room and I started to have some pain in my armpits. This was to be expected. The nurse there took some vitals and got me a drink of ginger ale and some graham crackers.I slowly sipped on that and ate a bite or two of the crackers to be sure I could hold it down.  Easy peasy lemon squeezy.

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Like my bird hair.  I know your jealous Jim.  You would expect something to fly out of that nest in the back. They called Eric back in to see me, and we sat a little longer, I walked myself to the bathroom and then changed back into my clothes. This surgery was a cake walk compared to the last. Let’s hope it stays that way. I had 2 Percocet and the sent me on my way.  The drive home was much better. Our my boobillow in place and before I knew it we were at the pharmacy.

I am wrapped up pretty tightly in an ace bandage which I am not allowed to take off until Monday. Still not sure the size of the implants it wasn’t written on my card.  I will have to ask at my post op appointment.

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Beautiful huh?  My right arm looks like I got a partial spray tan. Hah. I am anxious to see what they look like. I know you can’t judge how they look right away because there is swelling and the implant needs to settle. So glad that is done. Got home and my mom had dinner for me. She left this afternoon and Eric has stepped up to help me out. I’m not supposed to lift anything, push, pull, or raise my arms above my head. So I am pretty limited. Oh well I am content to just relax. I have been getting up and have been moving around. I don’t want a blood clot or anything. Drinking lots of fluids to get rid of the crap in my body, plus it forces me to get up.

Last night was interesting. We had to stop at the pharmacy to get my antibiotic, muscle relaxer, and pain medicine filled. We made it 10 minutes before they closed, they filled them and we went home. No curb jumping this time. When we got home, Eric got my meds out and opens them and mentions that my pain medicine looked low. So he counted them, and I only was given 19 pills instead of the 30 I payed for.   Figures, something had to be difficult. Lol.  But since that was the worst issue I had, I cant complain.  So, I called CVS this morning and told them, they said that they would have to check the inventory and call me back. Well, no one called and Eric was going out to get some dog food, so I called back. The pharmacist put me on hold and counted their inventory and they were 10 pills over stocked, so she got them ready and E picked them up. Not sure where that 1 pill went but I wasn’t gonna argue over 1 pill.

The only complaints I have are that my throat is sore, from the LMA (special breathing tube) I had in during the procedure, and some right arm and armpit pain. Has your armpit ever hurt? Very strange feeling.

Got home and my mom had bought me the most beautiful orchid arrangement.
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I have never seen them this color. She is so thoughtful.

I wanna end this post with a prayer I had heard from a guy named Phil Cano. It hit home with me.

Dear Lord,

Thank you for allowing me to live each day and thank you for sending the angel that saved me from harms way.  I am eternally grateful to him.  Thank you for the gifts you have given me.  Thank you for letting me enjoy life’s pleasures and to express them with others.  Thank you for my family and the friends I have made.  Please watch over them as you watch over me.  Thank you for any good that I may have done, I’m so sorry about the bad.  Help me to finish the race, help me to keep the faith.  I continue this life for you. Amen.

Thank you everyone for the love and support. It feels like I can breathe again!

 

Here we go

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So I was getting myself ready to go and the hospital calls and says that Dr. Greaney would like me to be there early, say 1100. Well, the call came in at 1030. I told the hospital that that was impossible because I live an hour and a half away and they said just to leave as soon I could. Stressful is an understatement. I was ready to go but there was car de-icing and other stuff to do. We are on our way now. I just need to get there. That’s all I need to do. My feet are soaked from trying to de-ice the car, but I don’t care. My toes could be falling off but as long as I can get there it doesn’t matter.
I must say the drive is beautiful. There is something absolutely mesmerizing about everything being covered in ice. Saved in its particular state at that period in time. One of the very few times in life when something is completely still, serene and can be seen in it’s beautiful form. A little nature eye candy for my trip.
Am I nervous. No. I am EXCITED. This has been a long journey thus far and this brings me one step closer to the end. Bring it on. I shall punch today in the face and be in the comfort of my phone in a few hours. Just want everyone to know that I am very much aware that all the glory in this situation, the skills of the surgeons, nurses, physical therapists, medical staff, and the sense of calm I have had all belongs to God. No honor should be taken from Him. He is the one masterminding this whole thing. Thank you God.
I shall post when I am able. Next time I post I will be over one more hurdle!

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Tissue expanders are almost gone…

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I got the call today about when my surgery would be tomorrow. I was really hoping they would call and say “you need to be here at 0600″. Not the case. The lady calls and says…”we need you to be here at 1330.”
Crap.
Shoot.
What?
Really?
Seriously? 1330. Bleh. BUT… it’s actually happening tomorrow, so I guess I really don’t care what time it gets done just as long as it does. I CAN’T WAIT to get these rocks out of my chest. Yes, it could be worse, I am very aware of that, but I am WAY over tissue expanders. I would say I was over them about a month ago. But….doot do dooo!!!! Tomorrow is the day. Did I mention this is happening tomorrow? I am more worried about the commute into the city with all this crazy weather we have been having than the procedure. Almost there.

I pray that God blesses the hands of the doctors nurses and medical staff tomorrow. I know he will be with me the entire time. They keep telling me that this procedure is going to be a breeze compared to the last one. Let’s hope so. So please, shoot a prayer up, wish me luck, if you have the time. I would appreciate it!

Snow day

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Snow day!!! No appointment today because I woke up to 5 inches of snow and it was still coming down pretty hard. I was up about 0615 and turned on the news and saw the the commute into Philly would be horrible. They were showing the route that we were to take and there were already several accidents. I called the office to cancel my appointment. We ended up getting about a foot of snow. This wasn’t a super important appointment (say that 10 times fast), just to go over the final “tweakings” if I had any. I did ask to speak with the nurse (who is awesome). I was curious as to how long the procedure would take and she said that it should take 2-3 hours. WWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYY better than last time, like 10 hrs better. I still can’t believe I endured a 12 hr. surgery. It blows my mind. I also asked if there was a possibility that I would have a drain, and she said usually not, but that doesn’t mean that it’s not a possibility. It’s funny when I call in there or go into the office, the entire staff knows me by name and is super friendly. It’s just odd that I have been there so much that they don’t even need to ask my name or when I prefer my appointment times to be.
I will see Dr. Greaney before my surgery on Thursday to go over any last minute requests or concerns. Now I just have to make it until Wednesday to find out what time my surgery will be. Hopefully it will be early, but you never know. We are supposed to get another snow storm on Wednesday, but things should be good for Thursday, and apparently we are getting another big storm on Saturday. Finally get a good year to go boarding and I can’t. Oh well, there is always next year. The end is in sight!

Amazing

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At some point on my journey, people have showed me that they have these things within them. Just wanted to say thanks for all of the amazing people on my side. People are amazing, and when you are struggling they show you just how amazing they really are. I hope that sometime in all of your lives you will get to experience all the love and support and amazingness (new word) that I have experienced. Sometimes from the most unexpected people.

Dr.’s appointment tomorrow to go over the final details before my exchange on Thursday. I am almost there…